Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
