i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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