Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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