it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
