I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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