Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
