so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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