So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
