she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
