I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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