I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
