Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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