i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
