He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
