Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
