i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
