Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
