this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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