So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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