You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
