Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
