remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
