it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
