i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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