nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
