Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
