I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
