didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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