That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
