tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
