Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
