my mouth tastes like poor choices
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
