I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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