i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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