I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
