32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
