i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Randomize
