The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
