In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
