Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
