Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
