so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
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I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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