I wish I could punch you in the face.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
