So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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