Life is so much better after having sex.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
