You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
