his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
