Cold hands, warm shart.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
