She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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