Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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