Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
