He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
