...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wear drunk well.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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