My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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