i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
