I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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