You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
