you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
did i just pee glitter
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
