ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
