Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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