everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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