tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Where is the hickey?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
