And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I die, sorry about rent.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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