$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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