Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
