dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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