I'm jealous of your bromance
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Randomize
