I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
