I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
