I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
